The Power of Listening: Florence Divet ☀️ on Moving Beyond ‘Toxic Positivity’ in Leadership

In a recent LinkedIn post, Florence Divet ☀️ discusses a counterintuitive yet powerful leadership strategy: the effectiveness of allowing space for negative emotions rather than immediately trying to fix them. Drawing parallels from Pixar’s ‘Inside Out,’ Divet argues that leaders often fall into the trap of ‘toxic positivity,’ which can hinder progress and erode trust.

Divet introduces the concept by referencing a scene from ‘Inside Out’ where the character Joy attempts to cheer up Bing Bong, who is grieving the loss of his rocket, his last connection to Riley. Joy’s attempts at humor and reassurance are ineffective.

“She jokes. She tickles him. She pulls faces. She repeats the lines. It will be fine. Everything will work out. Up you get. He sinks even lower.”

This approach, Divet points out, is akin to what she terms ‘toxic positivity’—a well-intentioned but ultimately unhelpful reaction to someone’s distress. She notes that psychologists have a name for this phenomenon.

The Pitfalls of ‘Fixing’

Florence Divet ☀️ highlights how this pattern is frequently observed in leadership scenarios. She provides examples of common workplace situations where leaders, much like Joy, prioritize immediate solutions over emotional validation.

“Your best engineer tells you she is exhausted. You reply: ‘We are nearly there. Two more sprints.’ Your co-founder is gutted that the round slipped. You reply: ‘Let us focus on next steps.’ A manager tells you his team feels unheard. You send him a framework,” Divet writes. She emphasizes that while these responses are often well-meaning, they fail to address the underlying emotional state of the individual.

Divet argues that the core distinction lies between ‘fixing’ and ‘listening.’ “Fixing puts pressure on the outcome. Listening builds the trust that unlocks the outcome,” she states. This perspective challenges the conventional leadership wisdom that prioritizes rapid problem-solving.

The Science Behind Emotional Validation

The post delves into the psychological underpinnings of this approach. Florence Divet ☀️ explains that suppressing or minimizing emotions does not make them disappear; instead, it can cause them to manifest in other, more detrimental ways, such as disengagement or resentment.

Referencing research from UCLA, Divet explains the neurological benefits of acknowledging feelings. “UCLA research led by Matthew Lieberman found that putting a feeling into words calms the amygdala, the brain’s alarm system. Naming an emotion can reduce its intensity, making it easier to think clearly about what comes next,” she notes.

This scientific backing supports the idea that allowing individuals to express their emotions is not a sign of weakness or delay, but a crucial step toward clarity and forward movement.

Sadness’s Approach: A Model for Leaders

In contrast to Joy’s ineffective attempts, Divet points to the character Sadness as a model for effective empathetic leadership. Sadness sits with Bing Bong, acknowledges his pain, and allows him to express his grief without trying to change his feelings.

“She sits down beside him, at his level. She does not deny the loss. She names it. She lets him talk about Riley. She lets him cry. One big sigh later, he is on his feet and leading the way.”

Divet breaks down Sadness’s successful strategy into three key moves:

• Be present: Sit at their level and temporarily set aside the urge to find a solution.
• Validate and name it: Acknowledge their feelings with phrases like, “That sounds exhausting” or “You put a lot into that.”
• Let them speak: Provide silence and space for them to process their emotions.

Florence Divet ☀️ clarifies that listening does not equate to agreeing with the problem or abandoning deadlines. Instead, it ensures the person feels understood and supported as they work towards their goals. “The deadline can stay exactly where it is. What changes is that the person feels seen while they meet it,” she asserts.

The post concludes with a challenge for readers: to actively practice listening by asking individuals how they feel before jumping to solutions, and then reflecting back what is heard. This, Divet suggests, can transform conversations and foster deeper trust and progress.