Distinguishing Fear from Uncontrollability: Anifilipova’s Take on Self-Imposed Limits

In a recent LinkedIn post, Anifilipova challenges the common advice to “don’t stress over what you can’t control,” arguing that this often serves as a misdirection from underlying fears and self-imposed limitations. Anifilipova contends that individuals often confuse true uncontrollability with the high perceived cost of taking action.

Anifilipova shared a personal reflection on the paralyzing fear associated with significant life changes, such as leaving a stable job to pursue a new venture. The author detailed the internal struggle, stating:

“I was staring at the possibility that I might leave, try to build something new, fail publicly, and then have to go back and ask for my old job again. 😱 I could not imagine anything more humiliating. That was the part that kept me awake.”

This experience, Anifilipova explains, led to phrases like “If I am lucky…” or “If it works…” – expressions that masked the real issue: a fear of failure and its social consequences, rather than genuine lack of control over the situation itself.

Re-evaluating Control: Actions vs. Outcomes

Anifilipova distinguishes between what is truly outside of one’s influence and what is merely perceived as such. According to the author, the inability to control other people’s reactions is a genuine external factor. However, the decision to act despite these potential reactions is firmly within an individual’s control. Anifilipova criticizes the prevalent advice on “acceptance,” suggesting it can be mistaken for seeking permission rather than exercising agency.

The post outlines a three-step approach to navigating this perceived lack of control:

1. Scrutinize the “Can’t Control” List

Anifilipova advises individuals to list their stressors and critically assess whether they are truly uncontrollable or if the cost of acting upon them is simply too high. This gap between what can be done and what one is willing to do is identified as the breeding ground for stress. As Anifilipova notes:

“That gap is where most stress lives. Between what you can do and what you’re willing to do.”

2. Focus on Inputs, Not Outcomes

A core tenet of Anifilipova’s advice is to shift focus from controlling outcomes to controlling the inputs. For instance, while business success or a promotion cannot be guaranteed, the effort invested in achieving them—such as diligent work or proactive career conversations—can be controlled. Anifilipova argues:

“You can’t control whether your business succeeds. But you can control doing everything possible to make it succeed.”

3. Identify the True Fear

Anifilipova posits that the phrase “I can’t control it” often serves as a linguistic shield for a deeper fear of failure. This fear, according to Anifilipova, is not a problem of control but an emotional one. The mind, in this view, is not malicious but is signaling potential risks and anxieties.

The author concludes by offering a resource, a quiz from their Portfolio Career Accelerator, designed to help individuals identify their current stage in pursuing side projects or new ventures—whether exploring, preparing, testing, or ready to build. This is presented as a starting point for those who feel stuck between the desire to create and the uncertainty of how to begin.