Making Others Feel Interesting: Ani Filipova’s Approach to Deeper Connections

In a recent LinkedIn post, leadership expert Ani Filipova shares insights gleaned from 25 years of experience, challenging the conventional wisdom that captivating conversations stem from having interesting stories. Instead, Filipova argues that true magnetism in relationships comes not from focusing on oneself, but from making the other person feel genuinely seen, understood, and valued.

Filipova highlights a core principle that has shaped her approach to relationships: shifting the focus entirely onto the other person.

“Instead, they made the person in front of them feel interesting. Seen. Understood.”

This perspective, as detailed in her post, involves dedicating full attention to making the other individual feel appreciated, rather than worrying about what to say next or attempting to impress them. Filipova emphasizes that this outward focus is key to building strong connections.

The Power of Active Listening and Genuine Inquiry

According to Ani Filipova, the most effective way to make someone feel valued is through active listening and asking insightful questions that demonstrate genuine interest. She points to two specific questions that are particularly powerful in achieving this:

Focusing on Specifics

Filipova suggests using a question that circles back to something the other person has already mentioned, showing that you were paying close attention. This simple technique can significantly enhance the feeling of being heard.

“You mentioned ___. Tell me more about that.”

As Ani Filipova notes, this question is potent because it validates the speaker’s contribution and signals that their words registered. This is a skill that is becoming increasingly rare in today’s environment.

Encouraging Deeper Sharing

Beyond simply showing you listened, Filipova advocates for questions that invite more personal and meaningful sharing. She proposes a question designed to uncover aspects of a person’s life or achievements that they might not typically discuss but would appreciate the opportunity to share.

“What are you proud of that people don’t usually see?”

In Ani Filipova’s view, this type of inquiry encourages vulnerability and opens the door for a more profound connection, transforming the dynamic of the conversation. It allows individuals to share aspects of themselves they value but often keep private.

The Paradox of Being Interesting

Filipova also touches upon a paradox relevant in the age of personal branding and constant self-promotion. She observes that in a world where many strive to stand out and prove their expertise, the ability to make others feel interesting is becoming a rare and valuable asset.

She argues that the less effort one puts into appearing interesting, the more genuinely interesting they become. This counterintuitive insight suggests that true memorability is achieved not by talking more, but by fostering a sense of understanding and validation in others.

The core message from Ani Filipova is that genuine connection is built on empathy and making others the focal point of the interaction. By prioritizing the other person’s experience and feelings, individuals can foster deeper, more meaningful relationships, ultimately becoming more magnetic leaders and communicators.

Filipova also offers a tool to assess career development, noting that how one connects with people is a component of career optionality. She created the Career Optionality Score to help individuals identify strengths and potential gaps in building career options.