John Cutler on the Peril of ‘Performing Help’ vs. Truly Helping

In a recent LinkedIn post, John Cutler shares a profound career lesson about the difference between genuinely assisting someone and merely appearing to offer help. Cutler recounts a personal experience where his well-intentioned but ultimately ineffective advice led to strained relationships and a realization that he was “performing help, instead of helping.”

The Pitfalls of Generic Advice

Cutler details an incident where he approached a colleague who he perceived as being overly focused on being right, to the detriment of team cohesion. His standard advice, “You know, you’re right often, but you need to bring people along for the journey,” had a devastating effect.

“I could see their eyes/spirit deflate right before my eyes. And then a hint of confused anger. A visible, almost physical pain emerging.”

This immediate negative reaction prompted Cutler to reflect on his approach. He argues that when individuals repeatedly struggle with a particular issue, they have likely already received similar, generic feedback. Offering advice that is predictable or “standard” can, therefore, be counterproductive.

As Cutler puts it:

“There’s a 99% chance that if someone is struggling repeatedly with something, they have received similar feedback in the past. If it sounds like normative career advice…there’s a 99% chance they’ve heard it already. There’s a reason it hasn’t changed their behavior.”

He posits that such attempts at providing help, when they lack deeper understanding or context, are not truly helpful but rather an act of “performing help,” which can add to the recipient’s existing frustration.

Earning the Right to Help

Cutler emphasizes that true help requires a different approach, one that is earned through deeper understanding and empathy. Months after the initial awkward encounter, Cutler revisited the situation by attempting a more authentic conversation.

He focused on sharing his own experiences and observations without judgment, prioritizing listening, and trying to understand the underlying issues the colleague was facing. This led to uncovering significant personal and professional challenges the colleague was dealing with, including:

• Internal issues where others were taking credit for their work.
• Past job experiences where their manager dismissed their perspective.
• Childhood learning disabilities that required different approaches to overcome.

This deeper conversation, which Cutler believes he should have “earned initially,” allowed for a more meaningful exchange.

The Importance of Context and Empathy

The core lesson, as Cutler highlights, is the necessity of understanding the individual’s unique context before offering advice. Generic solutions often fail because they do not address the specific root causes of a person’s struggles.

“If you find yourself giving generic advice that feels too ‘normal’ to someone, there’s a good chance they’ve heard it before, and you need to take a different approach.”

Cutler’s reflection serves as a powerful reminder for professionals on the importance of empathy, active listening, and tailoring support to individual circumstances, rather than relying on surface-level, “standard” advice.