John Cutler Argues ‘Feeling Seen’ Trumps Transparency in Business Communication

In a recent LinkedIn post, John Cutler explores a nuanced perspective on communication, suggesting that the effectiveness of business interactions hinges less on abstract truth and more on validating individual experiences. Cutler challenges conventional notions of transparency, proposing that leaders should prioritize making people feel understood and acknowledged, rather than simply reflecting objective reality.

The Shift from Mirrors to Mirroring

Cutler highlights a significant mental shift required in how we approach communication. He contrasts the idea of a ‘mirror’—which reflects objective truth—with ‘mirroring,’ a process focused on validating the other person’s experience. This distinction is crucial, as Cutler observes:

People don’t want the “truth” reflected back in some abstract way. They want their experience to be recognized. They want their perspective to matter.

This perspective suggests that while transparency is often lauded, it can sometimes feel confrontational or judgmental if not handled with care. The goal, according to Cutler, is not to obscure facts but to frame them in a way that acknowledges the recipient’s viewpoint.

Understanding vs. Transparency

The core of Cutler’s argument lies in the difference between being transparent and making someone feel seen. He posits that in many professional contexts, feeling ‘seen’ can be more impactful than absolute transparency, especially if that transparency feels impersonal or critical.

The Nuance of Feeling Understood

Cutler elaborates on this by explaining the potential downside of pure transparency:

Shifting my thinking from mirrors to mirroring has been a big mental leap. It is the shift from showing people the truth to helping people feel seen.

He further unpacks what ‘feeling seen’ truly entails in a professional setting. It’s about ensuring an individual’s perspective is understood without it being used against them. This implies a form of empathetic communication where the leader or communicator actively listens and validates the other person’s feelings and viewpoints, even if they don’t fully agree with them or if the underlying situation is challenging.

Implications for Leadership and Communication

Cutler’s insights have significant implications for leaders and communicators across industries. The emphasis shifts from merely delivering information to fostering a sense of psychological safety and mutual respect. When individuals feel their perspectives are understood and valued, they are more likely to be engaged, open to feedback, and committed to shared goals.

In essence, Cutler advocates for a more human-centered approach to communication. Instead of aiming to present an unvarnished, objective reality, the focus should be on building connection and trust by making the other person feel genuinely heard and acknowledged. As Cutler concludes:

And in the current landscape, feeling “seen” might actually look like the reverse of transparency. It is someone feeling like their perspective is understood, but is not being held against them.

This approach requires leaders to develop strong active listening skills and emotional intelligence, enabling them to navigate difficult conversations with empathy and understanding, ultimately fostering stronger relationships and more productive work environments.