In a recent LinkedIn post, Emily Lyons, founder of a matchmaking firm for high-achievers, discusses a common pitfall she observes among singles who struggle to find lasting relationships. Lyons posits that the primary obstacle isn’t a lack of ambition in seeking a partner, but rather a deficit in self-awareness regarding what one truly attracts versus what one desires.
Lyons highlights a fundamental disconnect she frequently encounters: a detailed wish list for a partner that doesn’t align with the reality of what the individual offers to a relationship. She elaborates on this paradox, stating:
“You can want loyalty while being emotionally unavailable. You can want ambition while punishing anyone who’s too busy for you. You can want depth while choosing people based on the most surface level things imaginable.”
According to Lyons, the crucial question for singles isn’t solely about their own desires or perceived deservingness. Instead, she proposes a more introspective inquiry.
Shifting the Focus from ‘What I Deserve’ to ‘Who I Attract’
Emily Lyons argues that the most transformative question for singles is not “what do I deserve?” but rather, “would the person I want actually want me back?” She emphasizes that this evaluation must be based on one’s authentic self, not an idealized persona.
“Not your highlight reel. The real you,” Lyons stresses in her post. She observes a pattern where individuals meticulously construct “fantasy checklists” for partners, yet express bewilderment when relationships fail to materialize or endure. This, she suggests, stems from a lack of honest self-assessment.
“I watch people build fantasy checklists and then wonder why nothing ever sticks. Meanwhile they haven’t done a single honest inventory of what they bring to the table.”
Lyons asserts that the issue often lies not with the standards themselves, but with the individual’s self-perception and understanding of their relational dynamics.
The Uncomfortable Truth About Becoming Partner Material
Further dissecting the challenge, Emily Lyons points out that while aspiring to have an “extraordinary partner” is relatively straightforward, the more challenging, yet essential, aspect is cultivating oneself to be the kind of person that such a partner would genuinely choose.
“Wanting an extraordinary partner is the easy part. Becoming the kind of person that partner would actually choose? Nobody wants to talk about that part.”
In Lyons’s view, this internal work is the critical differentiator. It separates those who are perpetually questioning the state of their romantic lives from those who experience the good fortune of finding a deeply compatible and fulfilling partnership. By focusing on self-awareness and personal growth, she implies, singles can move from a place of hopeful searching to one of genuine connection and lasting love.
📝 About This Content
This article is based on insights shared by Emily Lyons on LinkedIn.
📅 Originally posted on February 7, 2026 | View original post on LinkedIn →