The Power of Genuine Listening: Vanessa Van Edwards on Building Stronger Relationships

In a recent LinkedIn post, Vanessa Van Edwards explores a subtle yet powerful communication dynamic often overlooked in professional and personal interactions: the art of truly listening versus waiting to speak. Van Edwards, a renowned expert in human behavior and communication, highlights how many individuals, even in networking settings, are primarily focused on their own turn to talk rather than engaging deeply with the speaker.

Van Edwards observes the common behavior at events, noting:

“Watch closely at the next event you go to and you’ll see it everywhere: almost everyone is waiting for their turn to talk.”

She further elaborates on the tell-tale signs of this conversational imbalance, describing them as “The little nod before they speak. The quick inhale. The pounce the second you pause for breath.” This keen observation points to a widespread tendency to prepare our own contributions rather than absorbing what is being said.

The Case for Active Listening

The core of Van Edwards’ message advocates for a shift in conversational strategy. Instead of preparing to interject, she proposes a more effective approach: asking a question, genuinely listening to the response, and then posing a follow-up question based on the information just shared. This method, she argues, fosters deeper connection and demonstrates genuine interest.

The impact of this approach, according to Van Edwards, is significant and backed by data. She references a 2024 analysis involving approximately 400,000 individuals in a work context. This extensive study found that the factor most strongly correlated with an individual’s feeling of being listened to was the quality of their relationships.

“Of everything it measured, the outcome most closely tied to feeling listened to was the quality of your relationships.”

This finding underscores the profound effect that feeling heard can have on interpersonal bonds, suggesting that effective listening is not just a social nicety but a critical component of relationship building.

Why Being Heard Matters So Much

Van Edwards delves into the psychological underpinnings of why attentive listening is so rewarding for the speaker. She points to a compelling study where participants were willing to forgo monetary rewards simply for the opportunity to talk about themselves. This suggests a deep-seated human need for self-expression and validation.

In her post, Van Edwards offers a concise piece of advice that encapsulates this idea: “Don’t try to be impressive, let others impress you.” This perspective encourages individuals to shift their focus from self-promotion to genuine curiosity about others, thereby creating more meaningful interactions.

Practical Application

To encourage the adoption of this listening strategy, Van Edwards proposes a simple, actionable challenge:

“Try one real follow-up this week, and notice how differently the conversation goes.”

By focusing on asking questions and actively listening for opportunities to ask relevant follow-ups, individuals can transform their conversations from mere exchanges of words into opportunities for genuine connection and understanding. Van Edwards’ insights provide a valuable framework for anyone looking to improve their communication skills and build stronger, more authentic relationships.