The Unspoken Skill: Leanne Bridges on Why Managers Avoid Difficult Conversations

In a recent LinkedIn post, Leanne Bridges discusses a common yet critical challenge faced by many in leadership roles: the avoidance of difficult conversations. Bridges, a consultant working with growing businesses, argues that the root cause is not a lack of will, but a lack of training.

According to Bridges, individuals are often promoted to management based on their performance in their previous role, receiving a title change and pay increase, but little to no guidance on how to manage people effectively. She highlights the gap in essential communication skills that are crucial for leadership success.

“Most managers don’t avoid difficult conversations because they’re cowardly. They avoid them because nobody ever showed them how to have one that actually works.”

The Promotion Paradox: Competence vs. Management Skills

Leanne Bridges points out a systemic issue in how leadership is approached in many organizations. The promotion process often overlooks the development of crucial interpersonal and communication skills necessary for managing a team. This oversight, as Bridges explains, leads to new managers struggling with fundamental aspects of their role.

Common Challenges Unaddressed

Bridges identifies several specific scenarios where new managers falter due to a lack of training:

• Delivering constructive criticism without eliciting defensiveness.
• Addressing performance issues with team members who have more tenure.
• Following up on previously raised concerns without resorting to nagging or micromanagement.

The consequence of this skill deficit, as Bridges observes, is a tendency for managers to circumvent direct confrontation, often opting to fix problems themselves or simply hoping they resolve on their own.

“So they learn to work around problems instead of dealing with them. They personally pick up the slack. They redo work themselves rather than send it back. They mention something once and then hope it changes.”

Bridging the Gap: A Skill, Not a Personality Flaw

A central theme in Leanne Bridges’s analysis is that these avoidance behaviors are not indicative of a manager’s inherent inability or lack of care. Instead, she posits that the failure lies in the absence of learned conversational strategies.

When a manager attempts a difficult conversation and it doesn’t yield the desired result, Bridges argues that the assumption is often misplaced. Instead of concluding that the employee is unmotivated or incapable, the real issue is that the manager may not have the tools to frame the feedback effectively.

“Usually that’s not it. It’s that the manager hasn’t learned how to have the conversation in a way that lands.”

Bridges emphasizes that this is a solvable problem. The key, she suggests, is to reframe the issue not as a ‘people problem’ but as a deficit in a specific, teachable skill. The goal is to ensure that feedback is heard as direction, not just criticism.

The Path Forward: Investing in Conversational Training

Leanne Bridges concludes her post by advocating for proactive training in effective communication for managers. By equipping leaders with the skills to navigate challenging discussions constructively, organizations can foster better team performance and a more positive work environment.

As Bridges puts it:

“The conversation didn’t fail because the manager wasn’t clear. It failed because the person on the receiving end heard criticism, not direction. And the manager didn’t know how to bridge that gap. Not a people problem. A conversation skill that was never taught.”

Her insights underscore the importance of investing in the development of soft skills, particularly those related to conflict resolution and performance management, for both new and experienced leaders.