Vanessa Van Edwards Shares Proven Conversation Starters to Combat Small Talk Dread

In a recent LinkedIn post, Vanessa Van Edwards, a renowned expert in human behavior and author, offers practical strategies for initiating engaging conversations. Drawing from her extensive research and her new book, “Conversation,” Van Edwards aims to equip individuals with the tools to move beyond superficial pleasantries and forge more meaningful connections.

The core of Van Edwards’s advice centers on a science-backed approach to conversation, emphasizing observation and genuine curiosity. She stresses the importance of context cues as an entry point for dialogue, suggesting that noticing something specific in the environment can be a more natural way to start talking than generic questions.

“Open with a context cue – does their drink look tasty? Is the restaurant unique? Do you both know the host? Ask about something you can see.”

Van Edwards strongly advises against the common, often awkward, question, “What do you do?” She posits that this question can feel intrusive and immediately pigeonholes individuals. Instead, she proposes a more open-ended and forward-looking alternative.

Rethinking the Standard Icebreaker

Van Edwards’s approach encourages a shift from questions that demand a job title to those that invite sharing about current passions and projects. This subtle change, she argues, can lead to more revealing and interesting exchanges.

“Don’t EVER ask: ‘What do you do?’ Do ask: ‘Working on anything exciting these days?'”

This tactic aims to uncover what truly energizes people, fostering a more dynamic and personal interaction from the outset. According to Van Edwards, this is key to building rapport quickly.

Timing Your Conversation Starters

Further refining her advice, Van Edwards provides specific examples tailored to the day of the week, recognizing that different temporal contexts can influence the nature of appropriate conversation topics. She suggests that while weather talk is generally best avoided, it can be a suitable opener if it directly relates to enjoyable upcoming activities.

“On a Monday ask them: ‘Do anything fun and exciting this past weekend?’ On a Friday, ask: ‘Have any fun plans coming up this weekend?'”

This nuanced advice acknowledges that conversational flow can be enhanced by aligning questions with the rhythm of the week, tapping into people’s recent experiences or future anticipations. As Vanessa Van Edwards notes, these timely questions can make conversations feel more relevant and engaging.

The Power of Genuine Curiosity

A central theme in Van Edwards’s guidance is the cultivation of authentic interest in others. She identifies a simple yet powerful phrase that can significantly deepen conversations and signal genuine engagement.

“‘Tell me more?’ – the easiest way to show genuine curiosity.”

Van Edwards argues that this phrase, when used sincerely, encourages the other person to elaborate, providing richer insights and demonstrating that you are actively listening and invested in what they have to say. This technique, she explains, is fundamental to building stronger interpersonal connections and moving beyond superficial exchanges. Her insights, derived from two decades of studying master conversationalists, are presented as a blueprint for anyone looking to improve their social and professional interactions.