Why Leaders’ Kindness Must Extend Beyond Clients and Colleagues

In a recent LinkedIn post, Shulin Lee discusses the gap between how some people treat clients and how they treat those closest to them. Lee, drawing on her experience in recruitment and a personal conversation with her husband, argues that everyday kindness matters most in the relationships where people may be least guarded. This article examines Lee’s post and the tension she describes.

“I wish you’d speak to me the way you speak to your clients.”

The contrast between public patience and private frustration

Lee recounts that her husband’s remark prompted her to recognize a difference in her own behavior: she was patient with clients and polite to strangers, but more quick-tempered at home. She says she was not proud of the contrast and had to work on it. The story gives her broader point a personal foundation rather than presenting it only as a leadership lesson.

“OUCH,” Lee writes of her reaction to the comment. Her candid description frames the moment as uncomfortable feedback that she chose to take seriously. In Lee’s account, the issue was not simply whether she could be courteous; it was whether that courtesy carried into her closest relationships.

What workplace reputations can conceal

According to Lee, her more than 15 years in recruitment have brought her many stories of leaders who are well regarded by clients but feared by their own employees. She uses that contrast to question how much professional warmth means if people with less power experience a very different person.

“If you’re only kind to people you need something from, how kind are you really?”

Lee poses the question as a challenge to transactional civility. Her post suggests that kindness should not depend on whether someone can provide business, status or another advantage. For leaders, that standard places attention on the daily experience of employees, not only on external relationships and visible reputation.

Why close relationships matter

Lee’s reflection extends beyond the workplace. She argues that people often direct their worst behavior toward those closest to them, even though those relationships deserve care. Her closing thought is concise:

“The people closest to us often get the worst of us. When they should be getting our best.”

In Lee’s view, the remedy begins with noticing the gap between how a person behaves in different settings and taking responsibility for changing it. Her post does not offer a step-by-step management program; instead, it presents a personal admission alongside a question about what respectful conduct looks like when there is no obvious professional reward.

That combination is what gives Lee’s LinkedIn post its reach: a domestic moment becomes a lens on leadership, while the underlying measure remains familiar—how people are treated by those who know them best.