In a recent LinkedIn post, Florencedivet explores the hidden costs of constantly saying ‘yes’ and argues that the struggle to set boundaries is deeply rooted in our biology, not a lack of discipline. Florencedivet highlights that our innate drive for belonging often overrides rational decision-making when faced with a request.
Florencedivet writes:
“Your brain is not wired for boundaries. It is wired for belonging. When someone makes a request, your amygdala fires before your prefrontal cortex has a chance to think. Social rejection registers as physical pain.”
This biological response, according to Florencedivet, leads individuals, even seasoned CEOs and senior leaders, to agree to commitments they may not fully support, simply to avoid the discomfort of potential social rejection.
The Hidden Costs of an Unchecked ‘Yes’
Florencedivet details how these seemingly small concessions can accumulate, leading to significant personal and professional repercussions. The author points out that a constant stream of ‘yeses’ can result in an overloaded schedule that serves others’ priorities over one’s own strategic goals.
As Florencedivet notes:
“A calendar that belongs to everyone else. A strategy that lives only in your head. Resentment that leaks into your tone with the people who actually matter. Cognitive bandwidth spent on commitments you never believed in, the night before the meeting that actually counts.”
These outcomes, Florencedivet argues, detract from effective leadership by diverting focus from core responsibilities and fostering an environment of internal friction and unexpressed dissatisfaction.
Understanding the ‘Values-Yes’ vs. ‘Fear-Yes’
A key insight Florencedivet offers is the distinction between a ‘values-yes’ and a ‘fear-yes.’ This framework aims to help leaders identify the true motivation behind their decisions to commit.
Florencedivet explains the difference:
“A values-yes is a decision your future self will stand behind. It connects to what you are actually building, what you genuinely want to contribute, what matters when no one is watching. A fear-yes is a decision your nervous system made before you did. It is the yes driven by not wanting to disappoint, not wanting to seem difficult, not wanting to lose the room.”
The author emphasizes that most leaders struggle to differentiate between these two types of ‘yes’ in the heat of the moment. Florencedivet advocates for a brief pause – as little as four seconds with a single breath – to enable a more conscious and values-aligned decision.
Training the Mind for Conscious Boundaries
Florencedivet suggests that developing the ability to discern between a values-driven and a fear-driven ‘yes’ is a trainable skill. By becoming more aware of the immediate physiological and psychological triggers associated with saying yes, leaders can begin to cultivate healthier boundaries.
The post provides resources, including a downloadable PDF, designed to help individuals practice this pause and identify the underlying motivations for their commitments. Florencedivet encourages reposting the insights to assist a wider audience in making more intentional and meaningful ‘yes’ decisions.
📝 About This Content
This article is based on insights shared by Florencedivet on LinkedIn.
📅 Originally posted on June 5, 2026 | View original post on LinkedIn →